Quick post

I know I said I had written my last post but I just read this great blog about children and emotions and wanted to share
https://nerdybookclub.wordpress.com/2019/09/29/learning-how-to-navigate-feelings-by-tom-percival/

Last Post

I'm sad to say this is my last post. I feel like over the past years I have shared all of the knowledge I have about raising children. If there were last words it say it would be:

It's the responsibility of parents to teach, guide and help their children become who they want to be. It's the responsibility of parents to teach children how to socialize in different situations and how to behave appropriately. It's a parents responsibility to discipline using age appropriate techniques to help their children learn from bad choices. There is a lot to raising a child in order for them to turn into confident, secure,well-rounded people who grow up to contribute to society in a healthy, socially  acceptable way. It's my hope that through these posts I have helped parents know and figure out ways to do that.

Positive Self-esteem Through Four Constructs

Nancy Curry was a psychologist and professor of child development at the University of Pittsburgh and Carl Johnson who is a faculty member a the University of Pittsburgh have broken down how to develop positive self-esteem and described the role of parents as an important process. They discuss the development of positive self-esteem through four constructs.The first one is love and acceptance. What children need is unconditional support in their efforts to learn, grow and develop. What a parent says should be offered with genuine affection to who the child is, not what they accomplish. For example, if a child fails a test, a parent can ask how they feel about it. They can ask if there's something they an do differently next time to improve the results. Don't make them feel bad for failing the test or not putting the effort into passing the test, just help them realize they have to put effort into things in order for them to have the result they want, Help them to see they may have made a bad (not wrong) choice and to make a different (not right one) next time.

The second construct in developing a positive self-esteem is power and control. There are a number of ways to help children achieve a sense of power and control. Providing children with opportunities to make a variety of choices is one way to do that. Parents should make sure the choices are acceptable, age appropriate choices. For example, do you want to have yogurt or goldfish for snack? Both are acceptable healthy snacks but the child can choose which one they want.

The third construct to develop positive self-esteem is moral value.  Moral value is the idea that a child is treated fairly and fundamentally a good person. A child with high morals cares for others and learns reciprocal behavior. We enhance a child's  sense of moral values by making sure interactions between  children and adults are characterized by mutual respect, cooperation, empathy, and fairness. Parents should find constructive ways to deal with frustration, disappointment and failure. By doing this it develops moral values and a sense of fairness.

The last construct to develop a positive self-esteem is competence. When you punish a child make sure you criticize and punish the child's behavior  and that the child knows it's the behavior that is unacceptable not the child. This helps the child develop competence in their ability to make good choices that lead to good behavior.

Happy Mother's Day

I'm spending the day with family. I hope you are too. Happy Mother's Day!

Treating Children As Individuals

While all children are expected to follow rules and behave in a certain way each child's efforts, abilities and accomplishments should be viewed in relation to each child's unique development and personality. One child will be good at ballet, one may be good at football and one may be good at organizing. The belief in the learning and success of a child regardless of the child's status, personality, learning struggles or behavior is important to instill in a child. One way to increase the affirmation that every child can succeed is for parents to avoid using words that label a child. Children shouldn't be labeled shy, trouble maker etc because labels can become expected behavior for children by the adults in the child's life and eventually by the child themselves.

When my child was in the 6th grade, there was a boy in her class. He had been in a previous class with her too, it was either 4th or 5th grade. The teacher they had in the 4th or 5th grade labeled this boy as a troublemaker and a goof ball. She didn't think the boy was capable of much and had low expectations of him. He lived up to these labels and expectations of himself. He goofed off and didn't try. When this boy and my child were in the same class their 6th grade year they had a child who believed in this boy. Their teacher brought out the best in him, and showed him that he is capable of more than the labels that were put on him. He didn't goof around, he applied himself resulting in good grades and proved to this boy that his potential was more than the labels put on him.

When we take labels off of children and help them succeed and reach their full potential we treat them as the individuals they are and they behave as those individuals instead of the labels that are put on them. They also live up to the higher expectation of who they can be rather than the expectation of the label.

2 Fundamental Ideas Central to Affirmation

There are two fundamental ideas that are central to affirmation. The first one is valuing uniqueness and the second is not expecting a child to be like others. This is a critical view that affirms each child's uniqueness. It's important parents don't compare children to other children in their family or other families or children in their classroom. When parents or others compare children to others they send the message that who the child is, is somehow wrong and not valued which causes the child to feel they aren't love-particularly for who the are. The message is sent they need to be like someone else, whether that is the next door neighbor, the child in youth group, one of their friends, someone in popular culture or even who a family member wants them to be in order to be someone who is liked, loved and accepted.  This sends the message that who they uniquely are is somehow wrong and it's not the child who is wrong, it's the adult sending this message to the child that who they are is wrong, who is wrong. This message is wrong.

I believe I've discussed before how my child had a youth leader who tried to teach this message to my child. My child isn't an athletic person. She doesn't  like to watch and particularly doesn't like playing them. Whenever the youth group would have an activity that was a sport the youth leaders would purposefully not tell my child what the activity was so that she would go and they would try to get her to play instead of respecting the fact that she wasn't a sports person. This made my child feel disrespected and unloved for who she was. The leaders would tell her she needed to be more like the girl in her youth group who did like sports which told her she wasn't valued for who she is and she didn't feel like her youth leaders valued her for who she was because they were constantly telling her what she should like and who she should be like. This affected her self-esteem and self-worth until I got it stopped because this was not a message they were going to give my child.

Love, respect and value your children for who they are, for their likes, their dislikes, the things they're good at, the things they're bad at. Let them know you see them for who they are and love them for that.

Happy Easter

I'll be spending today with family. I hope you are too. Happy Easter!