funny question

Parents can be so funny. I had a parent ask once if the reason their child had a fever could be caused by them not getting enough milk. No seriously, the parent asked this...

The child was not feeling well that morning. He had been cranky, crabby and clingy and he wouldn't play. I felt his forward and sure enough it was hot. I took his temperature and he had a fever of 102. I called the mom and told her and told her someone needed to pick him up within the hour if possible. When the mom came to pick the child up I was settling the other children down for their nap. Usually if you're the primary care giver of the child you're the one who talks to the parents as well at the end of the day etc. However, because I was busy the mom went to my co-teacher who had just finished changing a diaper.

Anyway, the mom went over to my co-teacher and she was telling the mom how the child had been cranky and crabby all morning, how he didn't eat anything etc. The usual things that trigger that something is wrong. The mom then asked my co-teacher if the reason the child has a fever could be because he isn't getting enough milk. I was moving to help another child settle down for nap and looked at my co-teacher like 'did she really just ask that?' My co-teacher explained that the fever had nothing to do with the child's intake of milk and that fevers are caused by viruses. The mom kept going on about the child's intake of milk and how she was concerned about the child's intake of milk and kept asking in different ways if the fever was caused by the intake of milk the child was getting. My co-teacher once again told her it had nothing to do with the intake of milk and that the child probably had a virus of some sort and that she needed to take him to the doctor.

When the mom left with the child my co-teacher and I looked at one another unsure of what to say to one another. I said, "I didn't dare look at you again because I saw you were having a hard time and trying not to say things you shouldn't."
She said, "Girl..."

The mom took the child to the doctor and it turned out the child had the common childhood disease called roseola. It is not connected to the intake of milk a child is getting...

career goals

I personally have never worked for someone who was interested in helping me obtain my career goals. In fact I've never even worked for someone who asked me what my career goals are and how they can help me achieve them. I don't know if my directors have always seen me as such a strong teacher that they didn't want to take me out of the classroom or they just didn't care. I did work for someone who I think would have if I  hadn't left the center after a year to go put myself through school. This director is the only one I've ever worked for that I ever felt cared about me with any sincerity. My family also doesn't understand my frustration with what I do. They see it as I've found something I'm good at and I shouldn't complain.

I recently found an article though that explains to both, my frustrations about working in child care. There is an article titled When Compliments Fail to Flatter: American Individualism and Responses to Positive Stereotypes. It was written by John Oliver Siy and Sapna Cheryan. It discusses how a positive stereotype can seem negative because  a judgment is being made on group membership rather than on an individuals traits and attributes. This made complete sense to me because what I've wanted for years is for someone to realize that I bring something to the field that others don't and place me in a position where I can use the traits and attributes I have and bring them to the field and help make the center I work at better. I have skills that others don't and where most people in the corporate world would get a promotion for such skills etc. the field of child care doesn't do it. I've only seen a person promoted once in the ten years that I've worked in the field.

Even though people tell me I'm good at my job and what I do and tell me that I'm good with children, my being good at my job has never gotten me earning over the poverty level or an administrator to take an interest in me and help me advance my career. It has never gotten me promoted or taken under administrations wing and taught how to be better and given the opportunity to learn how to make that next step in my career. If you work in any field but particularly the child care field and if you are administration to any company I recommend this article. You may see your employees differently and be in a better place to help them reach their career goals.

the fabulous four

I've only worked with four people who have known that professionalism is a part of any job. The first one that I worked with was a lady at the first center I worked at. She was an older lady and we got along really well. She understood that just because we were dealing with children every day didn't mean we had to act like them. We had our fun and the children made us laugh almost daily. However, she also understood that I was lead teacher and she was the co-teacher and respected that. She never tried to cross the line and do my job or tell me how to do it. She knew she could voice her suggestions and did and that I would listen to them and did. She never pulled a "I'm older than you, I know what I'm doing and you need to  listen to me." We respected one another and worked side by side.

The other three co-workers I worked with who knew what professionalism is were at the second center I worked at. There was a lady who was the lead teacher of the toddler program there at that center, her co-teacher, and mine. We all understood who the lead teacher of the program was and we respected her, didn't try to step on her toes or over rule her. She knew what she was doing and you could easily see why she was the lead teacher. She would give suggestions when needed but never pulled rank. She worked side-by-side with us and I learned a lot from her.

These women didn't need to be trained, they didn't need someone standing over them telling them how to do their job, they never had anything to prove and they constantly proved that they knew what they were doing. When they called someone out on doing something that should have been dealt with differently they did it kindly. They gave suggestions not orders. This is how I have always tried to run my classroom as well-to give suggestions not orders. Lets try this, lets do it this way, what do you think we should do? Because of this the only people I've not gotten along with are the ones who come into the classroom with something to prove. Those co-workers who come in there and have to prove they have the knowledge they have and that they are just as smart as you. They start giving orders of what to change, why and how as soon as they walk in the room.  They let you know that they disapprove of the way you do things yet my classroom has always been one that has never gotten complaints from the parents.

These four women knew how to talk to the parents and never crossed the line of giving out information to the parents they shouldn't have. They had professional relationships with the parents and like me kept their professional lives separate from their personal lives. These women made it worth going to work. Usually you go for the children not the co-workers because of all the drama the co-workers bring to work. These women didn't bring that and as a result going to work wasn't something I had to do but wanted to do. These women were a joy to work with and I enjoyed working with all of them. When you work with people who are professional it makes a big difference and the environment is completely different. It makes getting your job done easier. A professional environment can always be recognized and it starts at the administration level and works its way down.

Crying

After having a child in your classroom for a year it makes the time when they move up to the next classroom hard. You establish a bond with these children and have seen them grow and change. You come to love these children. Some get in a little deeper than others do though. It's not because you treat them differently or anything specific happens to make the bond with a child deeper than what you have with others-there are just some children you have a stronger bond with than others. As these children move up to the next class sometimes you cry. At least I do. It's hard to let these children grow up and do it without you. You've been their teacher for a year and they've been a part of your life for a year. For that to change is sometimes hard. I have cried many times when children moved up to the next class.

At the second center I worked at I was getting ready to have one of the children who was in my primary caregiver group move up. Each teacher in a classroom has primary children. They are the ones you diaper, speak to the parents, call parents when their sick etc. This particular child started in my room at ten months instead of 12. The center didn't see the point of putting her in infants for two months and then having another transition take place so they just started her in toddlers with me. This meant she had been with me for a year and two months when it came time for her to transition up to two's.

When the week came for her to transition she was doing well. However, the day during transition week that she was supposed to stay through nap time she was having a hard time. One of the teachers came and got me and asked me if I could help. I went in there and sat beside her mat and she was just crying. I spoke to her for a few minutes and got her to calm down and then sat with her until she started to drift. The next day when it came time to take her over to two's to visit she had a hard time. I had to pick her up and carry her into the room because she wouldn't walk over once she knew where we were going. When it came time to give her to the teacher she held onto me really tightly and wouldn't let go. I finally had to pry her off of me and leave the room. When I got back into my room I was trying to hold it together so I wouldn't start crying. When my co-teacher asked me if I was ok I just started crying. At that point the director had come in to give us some information and I left the room long enough to get it together. When I walked back into the room my co-teacher was laughing at me. I told her, "just wait until it's your turn and it's one of your children moving up." She said, "Nope won't happen to me. I don't get that emotional over my children."

She ate her words a few months later. She and one of the children that was in her primary group had a strong bond. When it came time for her to move up my co-teacher was valiant and strong. She would not cry she said. On Friday when she walked her over that morning to spend the day and be picked up there she was very brave. All day long she was quiet and I let her be. However, toward the end of the day I noticed she was standing by the wall, quiet and I saw her wipe her cheek.
 I asked, "Are you crying?"
 "Now I know how you feel Taryn and I will never make fun of you again when one of your primary kids move up and you cry."
 I started laughing.
She said, "Don't you say a word and don't you tell the other teachers in the toddler program."
 "I won't." I didn't either. This day will and who this co-teacher is will die with me. Sometimes you just have to cry.

new admin

At the first center I worked at the director got pregnant. When she was supposed to return six weeks later a new director was announced instead. I liked this new director as a person and she saw a lot of things that were wrong with the center that were finally addressed. However, she didn't start off by gaining the respect of her employees. Circumstances unrelated to the director also made it so that the center was losing the assistant director around the same time as the director. The staff knew the assistant director was leaving and had been prepared for it. The new director found herself now needing a new assistant director.

My question is- how does one go from cook to assistant director? The staff knew that the cook and the new director had been friends for years and the word around the center was that the director made the cook the assistant director because she felt sorry for her. I don't know if that's true or not, I just know it was a personal decision not a professional one if it is true. I also know that to allow things that have happened to you in your personal life affect these kind of professional decisions is unprofessional. I could also be wrong but this may not be the best way to gain the respect of your staff either.

I have worked for administration that shows favoritism towards staff and who don't have the respect of their staff. I could be wrong but if you're going to work on the administration side of a company don't you want the respect of your staff?The new director wanted me to stay when I put in my two weeks notice a short time after that but I knew I couldn't work for someone that made professional decisions based on personal feelings not professional qualifications etc. I was also tired of working for someone I didn't respect. I like many others I'm sure have worked for and with people that I liked as a person but didn't respect on a professional level.

To start off as a new director by making a decision such as who would be the assistant director based on a personal friendship didn't leave me feeling like this director was going to be someone I wanted to work under. Despite the fact that I work with children all day professionalism should still be tried to obtain. Let me sit in the directors office, cry, and tell a sob story so that I can get an administrative position doesn't exactly gain a person's confidence that you'll do a good job and be fair and treat your staff fairly. This is something that a lot of directors don't understand and why they aren't respected.

Teething

I've always worked with toddlers and during this age of 1-2 they are still getting their teeth. We have always kept teethers in the fridge in the kitchen or in the room so that as they teeth they have something to chew on. At the second center that I worked at we had a container of teethers we kept in a cabinet. When a child was teething I pulled one out and gave it to the child to chew on and sanitized it at the end of the day. When a child wanted a teether I taught them to come over to me and say, "Bite." I used the word bite because that's what they would do with the teether, they would bite it.

At the second center I worked at I had a little girl who when she was teething she teethed quicker than any child I have ever taken care of. When she was teething she would point to the cabinet I kept them in and say, "bite." I would give her one and she would bite it to relieve the pain of the tooth coming in. As she would sit and bite it she would moan and groan. It made me feel so bad because giving her the teether to bite on was all I was allowed to do. If the parents brought in orajel and filled out a form to give it to her I could do that but the parents chose not to do that so all I could do was give her the teether. This little girl would chew on it every day all week long until the tooth came in. As a result every day she would ask for the teether and moan and groan as it came in. I eventually gave her the same teether everyday and one day at the end of the day I noticed it had a hole in it. Instead of sanitizing it I threw it out.

I have never seen someone teeth as fast as this little girl. It was crazy. She was irritable the whole time the tooth was coming in. Once it came in though she would be happy until the next one started to come in and we'd go through the whole process again.

Adjusting

The hardest child I ever had adjusting to being in child care was a little boy I had at the first center I worked at. Normally it takes about two weeks for a child to adjust to being in child care and after that they usually only cry when they're hurt, sad, etc. They also after the first two weeks have come to trust you and understand that the parents are coming back to pick them up at the end of the day. Not this little boy. It took me a month to gain this little boys trust and to help him adjust to being in the classroom. It has never taken me that long before or since.

Sometimes he would start to cry before he even got to the room. I could hear him crying as he walked down the hallway to the room. Most of the time there will be periods when a child will stop crying- to eat, sleep, or sometimes to even play while they sit on your lap or at least close by. Not this little boy. He cried all day, every day, non-stop!! I tried everything I could think of and then some. This boy was the hardest child I have ever had! I sang songs, I turned music on-soft then upbeat, had the parents bring in a special toy of the child's, I asked them what he liked to do at home, I mean you name it and I tried it. After a month of trying everything I could think of and none of it working I was about to suggest to the parents that they try a nanny. A formal child care setting like that isn't for everyone and it doesn't work for every family. So ...after working with the family for a month, talking to the director, we had decided to suggest to the family that they start to look at other options.

Then one day....he stopped! He just stopped! I don't even know why!?! During nap I had opened the door in the classroom that led directly out to the playground and sat there with him like I did every day to make it quieter while the others slept so that his crying didn't keep the rest of the children awake. I took his pacifier and put it on my lap because he was crying regardless of whether it was in his mouth or not. I didn't say anything to him I just took it and put it on my lap. He continued to cry and I picked up a bucket and shovel and started to fill it with sand. A few minutes later he stopped crying. I peeked out of the corner of my eye to make sure he was ok and saw that he was sitting there watching me and being quiet. I continued to fill the bucket and made a sand castle. I did this 3-4 times then I took him inside and closed the door.

I took him to his mat and sat him on it then sat beside him. He continued to be quiet so I decided to push my luck. This little boy went all day long without eating because he cried all day long. It broke my heart but I couldn't force him to eat. So I went to the kitchen and got some leftovers from lunch. I took it back to the classroom and sat him at the table and sat next to him. I pointed to everything on the plate and told him what it was, said, "here's a spoon," then looked away. A few minutes later he picked the spoon up and started to eat. I looked at him and smiled then said, "Is it good? I thought you might be hungry." He looked at me like a deer in headlights and started crying. I said, "Ok I won't look at you," and looked away and continued to watch him from the corner of my eye. I then looked at my co-teacher and pointed. She smiled and nodded then said, "Don't do it." (I had tears in my eyes). After he ate (everything on his plate) I took him back over to his mat and laid him down on it and rubbed his back. Pretty soon he was fast asleep.

I went over to where my co-teacher was sitting and sat down next year. I said, "Co-teacher, did you see that? He finally ate and look he's asleep." She nodded and I burst into tears-I mean I literally burst into tears! After a month of this little boy doing nothing but cry- he wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't do anything but cry- he finally ate and slept!! My co-teacher finally said, "I told you we would love it out of him." That was like the understatement of the year!!

When he woke up he ate snack with everyone, and he played all afternoon. He stayed close by and I watched him out of the corner of my eye, but he played all afternoon. That afternoon when his parents came to pick him up instead of telling his parents they may want to consider other options I told them about him eating, sleeping and his afternoon. They too burst into tears. After that he never cried again unless he got hurt. He eventually started to test the limits some. He would go farther and farther away from me to play instead of staying close. One day while on the playground he went to the other side of the playground then stood there until I saw him. I waved and smiled then said, "I see you. Are you having fun?" He smiled then turned and ran off. I looked at my co-teacher smiled then wiped the tears that again started to flow.

Once this little boy stopped crying all day he was so sweet!! He also was so funny! His personality started coming out little by little. It started with quiet moments when I would be putting him down for nap or he'd come up and show me something and say something quietly to me, then go play again. Every so often he would come over hug me then go play. I have never had a child take that long to adjust before or since. When he moved up to the next room I cried harder than I have with any other child who ever moved up. The bond I had with this little boy was different from any bond I've ever had with any other child. This little boy changed my life-frustrations and all.