Internet parenting

I worked with a Mom once who thought the internet would tell her how to raise her child. Anything I told her she would then go research on the internet and then come back and tell me what the internet said. Most of the time it would tell her exactly what I had told her. However, she was would always look it up to see if I was 'right' and if it would tell her the same thing I had told her. Whenever she had a question she would go look it up on the internet then come tell me what it said.

This Mom would come at the same time to breastfeed her child. Even though I worked with toddlers and most weren't breastfeeding anymore occasionally one would continue to breastfeed past the age of one. One day she changed the time she came and the child was fussy so I gave him a snack. When I told the Mom she freaked out and acted like I had done something to the harm the child. The next day she came to me telling me how she did some research on the internet and was shocked at how much the child should be eating. I just politely listened to her then added some knowledge I had then continued on with the drop off process.

 My dear parents, the internet won't tell you how to raise your children. It doesn't know the child. The internet doesn't know your child's personality or their temperament. Where you can find some good things on the internet it will never be able to tell you how to be a parent, how to be a good one or anything else. If your going to consult the internet for advice on how to raise your child please look at the kind of source it is. What background does the person writing the article have. If it's just common information please look at where it's from because the internet will never be able to tell you how to be a parent. It will never be able to tell you how to raise your children.

Advice

One of the things I've noticed about parenthood is everyone has their opinion about how to raise children and will share it with the expecting parents-particularly the Mom. This doesn't stop when the child is born either. Actually it seems to happen more often. "Do this, it was great!" "This is what I did and it worked." Where every bit of advice is well-intended most of it is unwanted.

For me personally I never give advice unless someone asks for it or if I do have advice I always ask, "Can I make a suggestion?" Then I offer my advice. Often when other people give advice they're only telling the other parent what worked for them. This of course is okay. However, what they don't always think about when giving advice is whether it would work for that family or the children they're raising.

I was talking earlier this week with the parents of the child I take care of. They were telling me how they have friends who they often don't go to bed before midnight and their children often stay up until eleven or later and one of the children sleeps until eleven in the morning. This is done because the Mom performs at a local theater and often doesn't get home until at least eleven at night. Where this would not work for most families it does for this family.

Each families dynamics are different and each parent has a different style in the way they raise their children. Often what is overlooked when giving advice about how to raise children is the child's personality and temperament.  When I do give advice I try to tailor it to the child's personality and temperament because it's going to be more helpful than just some random advice that worked for some other person's child or even my own. What works for one child doesn't for another. There is no one size fits all way to raise children or to discipline them. A child's temperament and personality always should be considered too. Sometimes I ask questions about a child and how they react to certain situations because this tells me about the child's personality and temperament and allows me to give what I hope is helpful advice.

One of the other things I've noticed about advice when it comes to being a parent. The parents who think they know nothing about how to raise a child are the ones who want lots of advice and are usually the ones who don't need it. They're figuring it out and doing fine. The parents who think they have it all figured out and don't want advice and don't listen when it's asked for are the parents who need the advice and help the most. They are often the parents who have no idea what they're doing and it shows. At least to a trained eye like mine.

Everyone will have their opinion on how to raise children but the best advice I can give anyone: listen politely and then do what works for you and your family.

Getting to Know One Another

This one is a little late as school is well under way but I also think it is a topic for all year round. Often in a child care center children are moved according to birth date not the school calendar so I've found myself getting to know children all year long as children are moved up. It takes time to get to know one another. The children need to get to know you and you as the teacher have to get to know them.

 I've started taking care of a new child recently. We're still in that getting to know one another stage. Today was the first day he would let me put him down and sit beside him while he played. Until today he wouldn't play unless I was holding him-even if I was just sitting beside him. He's starting to trust me and he's showing more of his personality. We're getting to know one another and be comfortable with one another.

Something to do to get to know a person is to use their name. When I'm taking care of the child whose in my care right now I not only use his name but I use mine. When I'm taking care of him I use his name and say, " Child, Ms. Taryn is going to put you in your bouncy chair while she makes your bottle." That way I've used both my name and his. It gives him the chance to recognize who he is and who I am and that I'm a different person from Mom and Dad.

Another thing I like to do not only when I'm working in a child care center or am taking care of a child in their home like I am right now is to get to know the family. I've found you can have a better relationship with the child if you also have one with the parent. Most of the communication is done through the parents anyway and if you take the time to have a professional relationship with them it earns the parents and therefore the child's trust easier and quicker.

One last thing I like to is to help children make friends. In a situation like I have now I like to know of a play group that meets once a week or every other week and go so that the child has interaction with other children. I also like to take them to the park. In a child care center I like to have the new child sit next to me or my co-teacher so that as the other children come and play around me the new child is included and the other children get to know them.

Here's a link to an article by NAEYC about helping children get to know one another.

Helping children get to know each other

Humor

The children in my classroom always made me laugh. They would do and say things that were so funny. To bring humor into the classroom always helped lighten the room particularly after something serious had happened such as someone got hurt, sick or a new face was in the room. Sometimes to eliminate stress or frustration I would sing a song about how I was feeling such as singing to a tune words like, "You're really frustrating me but I'm gonna come over here help the children do the project."

NAEYC has an article about putting humor in the classroom. They suggest making up silly rhymes. When I would sing to relieve stress or frustration this is what I was doing. Sometimes I would do it as they suggest and use phases like I just finished a puzzle wuzzle. I would do this when a child was learning how to talk or having a hard time with a certain syllable or the sound of a word. The children would try to repeat this and often made me laugh but it also helped the child learn the sound.

Another suggestion NAEYC makes is to do tongue twisters. Where I worked with toddlers this really couldn't be done. Children this age already have a hard time learning the syllables and sounds and it would only frustrate them. I instead brought this concept in with music and would play music that did tongue twisters and dance to the music. If a object was mentioned in the music that happened to be in the room I would hold it and point to it when the music said the word.

Other suggestions it mentions are replacing key words in songs and being absurd. Being absurd was never a problem. This is when I had the most fun and so did the children. I would often do this when the room was full of children crying. It got them to calm down and stop crying because I would be acting so absurd it would make them stop crying and they would stop and watch me and listen to the silly song I was singing.

This article also suggests modeling humor behavior in the dramatic play area, and reading humorous books. Some of my favorite authors who do humor well are Mo Williams and Sandra Boynton. I would read these authors a lot to the children and point things out in the pictures to show the humor. The article suggests having a silly face contest which would be fun to do with preschool and pre-k aged children.

The last three suggestions are to sing funny songs which I did on a daily basis and would play funny songs to lighten the mood in the room. It also says to fill a hoola hoop with preschoolers and see how many it will hold. The last one is to laugh and to let the children see you laugh. The children did see me laugh almost on a daily basis but certainly a weekly one. At least once a day someone would do or say something that made me laugh. Here's a link to the article if someone is interested.

Ideas for bringing humor into the classroom

Teaching

I've always tried to be the best teacher I can be to the children in my class. I've always recognized that children can't and won't learn until they feel safe in the classroom and trust you. Sometimes it's hard to gain a child's trust and it can certainly take time but over time they do come to trust you and feel comfortable in the class.
In trying to gain their trust and help them feel comfortable I've tried to establish a classroom of learners. Once they learn the first lesson taught which is to be comfortable and trust you as teacher, the teacher can start to teach a child, whether it be colors, numbers, opposites etc.

I work with toddlers, so where each child is developmentally, is different. Sometimes there are children who have just turned one in the classroom and are trying to learn how to walk and there are also the children who are older and trying to learn how to talk. As a result I've had to find ways to enhance their development and learning. I've done this by taking a simple concept such as colors and finding objects of different colors. With the younger ones I tell them the name of the color and point to the object, then see if any child or object in the room has that color and point to it and repeat the color. With the older ones I don't tell them what the color is when I point to it, instead I ask them if they know what the color is and ask them to say it. This way what I'm teaching is developmentally appropriate.

Sometimes I plan a lesson with goals in mind. For example if I see a child who is really interested in cars I'll do a lesson plan on transportation. If I see a child who is trying to meet a milestone such as climbing the stairs on the slide I plan a lesson with lots of different kinds of movement in it. This way I can help the children meet the milestones they're trying to reach. Every so often I can tell a child is learning but may be ready for the next level of learning. For example with manipulatives, a child close to two has the skills to better do a manipulative game than a twelve month old. When I sit with them I assess where they are and then come up with a game that extends where they are into something they can learn. Often times I go and get activities from the two year old room to help the child develop and learn.

One last thing I've always tried to do in order to be a good teacher is establish good relationships with the children's families- the parents. The parents that are the hardest  to deal with are the ones who worry about everything. They are the ones who have questions about everything and just need to learn to relax. Best advice is: if it won't hurt you, it won't hurt your child. Most parents as long as you talk to them when they drop-off and pick up and keep open communication with them, you can have a good relationship with them.

Running

As children get closer to two they obviously are closer to the size of a two year old rather than a one year old. This leads to the children being tall enough to reach the door knob and some of them learn how to turn it and before you know it... you have a runner! Then you're the one running in order to get them and often yelling for help at the same. "Child! Come here!" "Someone grab the child please!" Then the one who catches the child is telling the child that's it's not okay to run away from their teachers. The teacher gets the child back in the classroom and again is telling the child it's not okay to run away from the teachers and that the door is something for only teachers, mommies and daddies to touch. These then become the children whose hands you have to hold when you go out to the playground so that they don't run away from the teachers. Good times...good times....

Toddlers part 2

The last post I wrote I shared a link from NAEYC about what to look for in a toddler program. I've noticed as I've worked with parents that most know the information shared but they don't always know how to do the information that's given. So, in this post I'm going to discuss how to do the steps that are shared in the article.

The first step shared is children staying with a primary teacher so that they can develop a relationship. This one I'm going to assume is pretty obvious. At the toddler age children are still developing trust in the world and in the adults in their lives and that they'll take care of them so it's important that a child have a primary child. As the teacher and child learn to get to know and trust one another the teacher will know what temperament the child has and how to respond to the child's needs. This will also result in the child going to the teacher when they need something such as if they hurt themselves or are tired.

These first two steps lead to the third which is the teacher learns how the child communicates their needs through cries or other behaviors. I had one child who when they were tired would come and sit in my lap and snuggle. I had another child who when they were tired would go stand by the cots until I laid him down. Learning these cues helped me learn how each child communicated and what they were saying. I then did the fourth step of treating the children with kindness and respect and teaching them how to use their words. For an example see the post 'help.' This is where a lot of parents go wrong and they think they can behave or treat their children however they want to but then teach them the opposite. It's what you do that your children will follow not what you say. Not only that but respect is not a one way street that leads from children to adults. If you want your children to treat you with respect you have to treat them with the respect you want them to show you.

Sing your children the nursery rhymes and songs you sang as a child. Put Raffi, The Wiggles and other children songs on and sing them with your children. Trust me you'll learn the words so when they ask you sing a song-sing it with them. These can be some fun bonding times so enjoy this experience. Keep to the same routines as much as possible. This will lead your children to fell safe, secure and will help them know you're in charge. When a child's routine is constantly changed it leaves the child feeling insecure because they don't know what's going to happen or when and can lead to misbehavior.

Take your children to the park and run around with them. Let them play on the equipment and take toys to play with. If you have a play set in the backyard occasionally go back there and play on it with them. Your children enjoy playing with you and spending time with you. Don't give them reason for this to change. I've only worked for one company who took time to train their employees. However, this training is important. No one knows everything there is about their field so it's important to learn. As parents take time to ask questions of their child's teacher and other professionals a parent will become a better parent. If your child's teacher doesn't welcome such questions you may want to consider a different program.

Being a parent is hard. It's probably the toughest thing a person will do. However, it is in my opinion worth all you sacrifice and do.