Park Etiquette

Sorry I haven't posted in so long. I finished a bachelor's degree in early childhood education administration in April and since then I've been working on a book about parenting and putting parenting classes together to teach. This has kept me busy. I'm at the point where I'm cleaning up the classes and will be able to put the technical part of teaching them together so I can actually teach them.

Today the little boy I take care of during the day and I went to the park. There was a group of moms sitting on the grass while their children played. However, they weren't paying any attention to them. They were sitting on the grass talking and not supervising their children. One of the children pushed another child playing at the park and one child stood at the swing screaming the word, "mom' for ten minutes before the mom came over to see what the child wanted. Parents, I understand you need 'mommy' time and need to have a conversation with someone who can talk in more than a two or three word sentence, but please don't ignore your children. The park is a great place to take your children and let them play and get their energy out but they still need supervision.

Unspoken rules of park:
1. Supervise your children
2. Discipline your children when needed
3.Take turns on equipment including slides, swings and other equipment
4. If you bring a toy from home be willing to share it

Thank you!

Teaching Children About the World

It can be difficult to teach children everything they need to know about the world and the way it works. There is a lot to teach them and despite what parents may think it is the responsibility of the parents to teach their children how the world works and how to navigate it. It's not something they have to do on their own though. There is help from community, church, extended family.

It's important to have the hard conversations with children that need to happen. If parents don't have them, others will and children may learn a perspective the parents don't agree with. For example have the conversation about drugs. It's not just enough to tell children not to do drugs which is what a lot of parents do. The next step needs to be taken and parents need to explain why drugs shouldn't be done. Explain what drugs do to people and what coming off of them does. Educate your children. Don't just leave it up to the school to do. Take time to have the conversation of why you as the parent don't think they should be done and the harm they can cause people, friends and family. Educate your children.

Some hard conversations parents should have with their children:
Drugs
Sex
Stranger danger
Under age drinking
Smoking

These are just some examples however, there are many more. Take time to tell your children what you think about these issues and any others that may come up. It will be hard and awkward but it will be worth it because then they know where you stand on any issue and why. Until you explain to them where you stand on an issue and why they don't and won't care that it's something you tell them not to do. Parents need to explain why.

Teaching Feelings

It's hard to explain to a toddler how someone else feels. It's hard to explain to a toddler how they feel. Toddlers feel things very intensely and when adults laugh at them it only makes them angry. If an adult were feeling angry or sad no one would laugh at them, so no matter how hard it is not to laugh.....don't. When it's over if you need to step into another room and laugh, do, but don't do it in front them. It makes them feel bad and it comes across as an adult doesn't care about them or how they're feeling.

Below is a link that talks about toddlers and emotions. Emotions need to be taught like anything else. When a child gets angry something like, "I know that makes you angry but your friend is playing with the toy right now. When they're done it will be (use child's name) turn." When a child feels sad say, "I know it makes you sad when Mom/Dad leave, but they'll be back after (nap, snack time, afternoon outdoor time etc.)." Name the emotion the child is feeling so that they understand what they're feeling. It will help them understand what anger, sadness, happiness and all the other emotions are and what they feel like.

Here's the link:

Generosity Misunderstood Through a Toddler's Eyes

teaching compassion

Teaching compassion to children can be tricky but it's important. Most children under five are naturally compassionate and it's a virtue that needs to be nurtured as they grow older. Modeling how to be compassionate is the easiest way to teach compassion. Children watch everything an adult does so showing compassion to your spouse, to your friends and most importantly to your children will teach them how to be compassionate.

NAEYC  has ten tips for teaching compassion, however, I don't agree with all of them. The one I don't agree with is number three. Where puppets are a part of most child care center rooms not all children like them. Some children are afraid of puppets and to teach compassion using one could frighten a child. Therefore, it would be more compassionate not to use one. Be aware of a child's reaction to puppets and if they're afraid of them don't use this approach.

Here's the link if anyone is interested in reading the article:
10 tips for raising a compassionate infant-toddler

Sensory Activities

I've been trying to find different activities for the child I'm currently taking care of to do. It's the middle of winter so not much time outside is done. I'm trying to break the monotonous of our day, plus he's old enough to start doing sensory activities with. Today I taped streamers on a table and put him under it to see what he'd do. He would only play with them if I wasn't looking right at him. If I did look at him or talked to him while he played with them he would look up and around like he couldn't hear me and completely ignore me.

I'll start doing other sensory activities with him too like having him play in applesauce, pudding, oats etc. These will give him the sensory activities he needs without having a sensory table to play in. When I work in child care centers each classroom has a sensory table that I put all kinds of different things in. I do colored sand, water with cups etc in it. This list is too long to name. I have the little boy I take care of do these activities in a plastic bowl while sitting on the kitchen floor so that any mess he makes can easily be cleaned up. Here is a list done by NAEYC of ten activities a teacher can do with their class in the sensory table. However, these activities can be done at home with children as well because they can easily be modified.

10 Ways to use the sensory table

Back Talk

One of the things a child is sure to do at some point or another is to talk back to their parents or other adult. There are, in my opinion, two ways to prevent back talk. The first one is to listen to your child. Often children back talk because it's the only way they can get their opinion out there and listened to. The second way is to respect your child. Respect is a two-way street and if you show your child respect they will show it to you because you'll be modeling how to show respect.

 Back talk can also happen as the result of a power struggle. This is why I say listen to your child. Sometimes they have ideas that work and may work better than what your idea was. Pick your battles. Often back talk occurs because a parent has chosen to fight a battle that they need to let go. Consider whether or not you have a legitimate reason for telling your child no and not letting them do something a particular way. A parent doesn't need to control everything and shouldn't, so let go of control-empower your children and let them do something the way that makes sense to them instead of how you tell them to do it.

The website positive parenting solutions has an article on their site that gives five steps to put the brakes on back talk. Here is a link to it if anyone is interested.

5 steps to put the brakes on back talk

Family

Yesterday the child who I take care of had family come in. The Mom's sister is here so the Aunt gets to give good old fashioned Aunt love to the child-her nephew. When I was leaving yesterday I told the child to soak up all the love but not too much love. What I mean by this is: of course the Aunt will give her nephew lots of love and should. There is nothing like Aunt love just like there is nothing like Grandma love. In other words there is nothing like family love. I say not too much love though because I define too much love as- giving the child everything they want.

Sometimes when extended family comes for a visit or a family goes to see extended family all the rules seem to go out the door. Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles seem to give the child everything they want and they hold the child all day long. This is harmful and frustrating to people who work in child care because when the child comes back the rules have to be relearned. The child goes from having every want given to them to an environment where it's not and that lesson has to be relearned and it's hard on the child, the parents, and the caregiver. Also the child goes from being held all the time to not being held all the time and.... Oh the drama!! There are many tears as the child has to relearn independent play and that they're all right even though no one is holding them and loving them. The lesson that every cry or tantrum will not get the child what they want also has to be relearned.

So remember....family love is great! Some spoiling can even occur and should. However, to cater to every whim, and to hand over every need and want isn't. When the family member is gone the rules still apply to the child. Independent play is still important to them and needs to occur, they still have to wait for a need or want to be taken care of, and where we caregivers love the child too we understand that to hold them all day can't and shouldn't happen because it prevents the child the room they need to grow and develop.

Please love your family. Just please don't spoil the children to the point where lessons that need and sometimes have already been learned have to be retaught.