The Balanced Approach

Two specific behaviors that develop between ages one and three are tantrums and biting. Children use them as a way to gain power and control. A parent needs to use sensitivity and warmly guide a child when these behaviors are shown. An approach that can be used to direct these behaviors is the balanced approach to guidance which helps young children become associated to the culture they live in. The balanced approach includes a parent showing respect for the child's emotional needs, respect for individual differences, respect for power of development and respect for self.

For example, if a child is mad because they didn't get ice cream while out running errands, a parent needs to show respect for the child's emotion of sadness and anger that they're feeling for not getting the ice cream and being angry at the parent for not getting the ice cream. A parent can say, "I understand it makes you sad that you can't have ice cream and I understand it makes you mad at mommy." The parent shows respect for the individual differences by saying, "I know you wanted ice cream but we have some at home you can have after dinner."

A parent shows respect for power of development by acknowledging the child is changing and growing. For example, a parent respects a child's power of development by letting them brush their teeth when they tell the parent they want to do it instead of insisting they as the parent do it. A parent helps a child have respect for self by showing the child unconditional love, listening to them and accepting their child's capabilities.