Developing Autonomy In Toddler's

To be autonomous a child need to be more interested in being independent and self-directed. They need to start choosing for themselves, what to play with, what they like and what they dislike. For toddlers, autonomy is about discovering a sense of self and who they are. When a child is attempting autonomy, adult interactions with children must be characterized by warmth, flexibility, respect and an understanding that children need to feel a sense of control most of the time.

This means when a child is doing something, they need encouragement to do whatever task they are trying to do. They need to know parents think they can do it and feel their parents believe in them. A parent needs to be respectful and encourage children and allow them to try, if not do the task themselves. To not allow children to try or do an activity on their own is disrespectful because it hurts their sense of self, tells them they are not capable of doing something and that they are not important enough to take the time to let them try to do it themselves because you are always in such a rush that mom/dad need to do it. A parent is telling a child they cannot do something. Giving children encouragement and finding time to allow them to do it and respecting them enough to let them do it, provides them with the sense of control that they need and they have control over what is happening to them and what they can do.

I developed autonomy in my child at this age by allowing her to pick out what shirt she wore with her pants, I would pick the pants and two shirts she could choose from or I would lay out a dress and an outfit for her to choose from. One of the hardest things I let her do at this age is learn how to drink from a cup by herself. I always wanted to do it for her and I would have nail prints in my hands from clutching my hands so hard to stop me from doing it for her. Did she make a mess, sure. But I would rather clean up the mess she made and let her learn how to do it than not allow her to learn a skill that was appropriate she learn and milestone she needed to hit. It was the same with teaching her how to put her coat on at this age. I would lay it on the floor with the hood facing her and taught her to put her arms in and throw the coat over her head to put it on.As she was just learning it took a few minutes and tries for her to do it but she learned how to put her coat on by herself.

Teaching autonomy is hard and frustrating but also awarding as your child starts to do things on their own and you see in their face the look of accomplishment.