Dimensions Of Parenting

Jay Belsky who is an expert in child development and family studies and Richard Lerner who is the director of research in youth development and the department of child study and human development at Tufts University came up with six dimensions of parenting. These are: attentiveness which is paying attention to your child, physical contact which is holding them and cuddling with them, verbal stimulation which is talking to them, material stimulation which is interaction with toys, responsive care which is responding to cries and needs and restrictiveness which is putting restrictions or conditions on what a parent will do for their child or what parents allow their children to do particularly for themselves. The first five have positive effects on a child's emotional, social and intellectual development. The last one is negative.

When I was raising my child the way that I implemented these dimensions of parenting are: I paid attention to my child, when she was playing by herself or friends I made sure I knew where they were and what they were playing so if it ever became unsafe I could prevent harm. I also listened to my child when she spoke to. I would put my computer or phone to the side and I gave her my undivided attention when she spoke to me. Sure there were times I had to tell her to wait until I finished something but then I gave her my undivided attention.

I gave my child a hug and kiss on the cheek every morning when she woke up and every night before she went to bed. I also let her snuggle when she was sad, hurt, sick etc. I provided verbal stimulation particularly when she was an infant by talking to her about what I was doing like when she was in her high chair while I made dinner or I sang her songs when she was sitting on my lap and I read to her. I played with her from the time she could play with something like a rattle to sitting a doing a puzzle with her, to playing a game.

When she was an infant I learned what her cries meant and reacted accordingly like changing her diaper, feeding her etc. As she got older responsive care became helping her get a snack when she was hungry, helping her when she got hurt or responding to any and all of her needs.

I never used the restrictive dimension of parenting. I never put conditions on what I would do for her or put restrictions on what she could do unless it would in some way cause her harm such as touching a hot stove or jumping off a high place etc. Restrictiveness teaches a child love in not unconditional but conditional on the child's behavior and abilities and this was never a message I wanted to send my child.