Parents Influence In Developing Self-Regulation

Parents and caregivers influence the development of self-regulation in how warm they  respond to children in distress and the ways they model the expression of emotions. Parents who respond warmly when children are angry and talk to their children about emotions are promoting self-regulation skills. They promote self-regulations skills by helping the child work through the emotion they are feeling. For example, a parent can say, "I know you feel sad that you have to leave the toy in the store, but maybe we can come back and get it at a different time or put it on your birthday list." The parent has acknowledged how the child feels and helped them work through it which develops self-regulation because the parent has helped the child worked through the emotion of sadness not just dismissed it. The child may continue to feel sad but the child knows it's all right to feel sad and it has developed self-regulation as the child learns to deal with their emotions is a positive way.

Parents also play a critical role is developing self-regulation by providing social structure, teaching manners and social etiquette and modeling appropriate behavior.  Teaching manners and social etiquette teaches self-regulation as children learn how to behave in social situations and in public and they learn to have the self-regulation not to throw tantrums in social situations or say hurtful comments in social situations. Modeling appropriate behavior when handling disagreements and problems and providing guidance when they misbehave helps children learn not to yell in order to get their way or just take something that someone else is using because they need to use it and it teaches them the self-regulation skills they need to wait and be patient.

One last way a parent influences the development of self-regulation is supporting a child's independence. Parents can use hints and cues to help children gain independence. For example, if a child is learning to tie their shoes a parent can give the hint of pulling the loop through the hole. This gives the child the hint of what to do however, they are the ones who have to do the action of pulling the loop through the hole. A parent guides the child through how to do the task but allows the child to do it and can keep the child calm while the learn how to do the task and develops their self regulation because they keep the child calm instead of getting frustrated.