Dimensions Of Parenting

Jay Belsky who is an expert in child development and family studies and Richard Lerner who is the director of research in youth development and the department of child study and human development at Tufts University came up with six dimensions of parenting. These are: attentiveness which is paying attention to your child, physical contact which is holding them and cuddling with them, verbal stimulation which is talking to them, material stimulation which is interaction with toys, responsive care which is responding to cries and needs and restrictiveness which is putting restrictions or conditions on what a parent will do for their child or what parents allow their children to do particularly for themselves. The first five have positive effects on a child's emotional, social and intellectual development. The last one is negative.

When I was raising my child the way that I implemented these dimensions of parenting are: I paid attention to my child, when she was playing by herself or friends I made sure I knew where they were and what they were playing so if it ever became unsafe I could prevent harm. I also listened to my child when she spoke to. I would put my computer or phone to the side and I gave her my undivided attention when she spoke to me. Sure there were times I had to tell her to wait until I finished something but then I gave her my undivided attention.

I gave my child a hug and kiss on the cheek every morning when she woke up and every night before she went to bed. I also let her snuggle when she was sad, hurt, sick etc. I provided verbal stimulation particularly when she was an infant by talking to her about what I was doing like when she was in her high chair while I made dinner or I sang her songs when she was sitting on my lap and I read to her. I played with her from the time she could play with something like a rattle to sitting a doing a puzzle with her, to playing a game.

When she was an infant I learned what her cries meant and reacted accordingly like changing her diaper, feeding her etc. As she got older responsive care became helping her get a snack when she was hungry, helping her when she got hurt or responding to any and all of her needs.

I never used the restrictive dimension of parenting. I never put conditions on what I would do for her or put restrictions on what she could do unless it would in some way cause her harm such as touching a hot stove or jumping off a high place etc. Restrictiveness teaches a child love in not unconditional but conditional on the child's behavior and abilities and this was never a message I wanted to send my child.

Temperaments

Temperament is a matter of individual differences that reflect a child's personality. It's initially genetically determined but can be influenced by a child's environment. Temperament impacts how children react to events in their environment.

There are four kinds of temperament:easy, difficult, slow to warm, and hard to classify. A child's temperament influences the type of coping approaches a parent can use. An easy child is flexible, they adapt quickly to new situations and are curious. The difficult child has intense and frequently negative moods and cries out loudly. They push limits and respond on a whim to intense emotions. With slow to warm up children these children are more fearful, avoid difficult situations are cautious to participate in contact with new people. These children are hesitant with new experiences. The hard to classify children are rare and they are hard to feel out. They show all three temperaments depending on the situation. These children will like a food one day and not the next. These children can frustrate a parent because it seems like everything they do is wrong, when it's not. These children really do not know what they want to do and need more direction and parent activities. For example, "Do the puzzle for a bit, then color when you're ready to do something else.

My child has an easy temperament but depending on the situations could be a difficult child. Most of the time she was an easy child. If she needed something she came to, she went from one activity to another easily and with little warning although I always made sure to give her warning. Where she was an easy child I and didn't demand a lot I would check in with her throughout the day to see how she was doing and if she needed something otherwise I let her play by herself and with friends and didn't bother her much.

It's important parents are mindful of a child's temperament in order to respond to the child accordingly because this can help. Temperament is steady and steady throughout life. It never changes. Each child's temperament is different. A family can have children that have all of these types of temperaments. How you parent each type is different. Many parents think what works for one child will work for another and it doesn't. Remember each child is different and each child has a different temperament. For this reason one child will only have to be asked to do something once, whereas another child will have to be asked several times. If a parent remembers what type of temperament a child has, dealing with them and raising them becomes easier.

The Parenting Style I Used

When raising a child there are three parenting styles that can be used. Diana Baumrind who was a researcher who focused on the classification of parenting styles outlined three parenting styles based on her classification scheme. They are: the authoritarian  parent, the authoritative parent and permissive parent. The authoritarian parent has high expectations, they don't believe a child should question authority and punishments are strict.  The authoritative parent has high expectations but the expectations are age appropriate, they give their children choices and independence along with being clear about what their expectations are for their children. A permissive parent lets their children do anything and don't give a consequence for inappropriate behavior and make excuses for their children's behavior. There is little consistency with permissive parents and they rarely supervise their children's activities.

Eleanor Maccoby who has a Ph.D in experimental psychology and J.A. Martin added a fourth type of parenting style which is the uninvolved parent or the neglectful parent. This type of parent provides no control over their children's lives, they don't have rules, don't expect their children to behavior in any kind of way and don't teach the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. These children are emotionally disconnected from their children and they worry about their own problems more than their children or their children's problems.

When i raised my child the parenting style I used was the authoritative parent style. I gave my child choices but made consequences clear and followed through with the consequences. The choices and consequences were age appropriate, however I also allowed discussion of expectations and consequences. I value independence and taught by child to be independent. I listened to my child's point of view and I felt this was the parenting style that would help me help my child develop who she is, develop healthy self-worth,  and know she is loved and accepted for who she is.

Despite that I used the authoritative parenting style most often to raise my child when the situation needed me to use a different parenting style I used a different one. Some situations need a parent to be authoritative, some situations need a parent to be authoritative and other situations need a parent to be permissive. I tried not to get caught up on trying to be one type of parent that I failed to see when a different parenting style was needed.

The children in a family are very different and a family may have a child that needs an authoritarian parent, another child may need an authoritative parent. A child's personality and temperament help determine the kind of parenting style that is used.  The most important thing to remember when choosing what parenting style to use and what situation needs what kind of style is to remember that it is your responsibility as a parent to help guide your children to achieve their own goals. It is your responsibility to help your children become the kind of person they want to be, not tell them what kind of person to be. Consider these types of parenting styles and choose the one that best identifies with your and your spouses philosophy on raising children.

The Theory I Chose

I raised my child as a single parent and often people ask me how I did it.When I was getting my bachelor in early childhood education administration one of the classes I took had us study the different theories of child development. We studied  Piaget, B. F Skinner, Urie Bronfenbrenner and others. It was while I was taking this class I realized the theory I was using to raise my daughter was The Maslow approach. The Maslow approach is a humanistic approach that has a hierarchy of needs. The hierarchy of needs are: physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs and self-actualization.

I felt the Maslow approach helps a parent understand that until the basic needs of a child are met it can be difficult to help a child. In my point of view the Maslow approach take care of the whole child not just the physiological or psychological needs and it doesn't just reinforce behavior that parents want. My position is the Maslow approach helps a child become their own individual and help parents help children become a whole unique self.

Of course there are times when raising a child that other theories need to be used because other people's theories help a parent raise a child too and different theories help at different stages of development as the child grows and parents shouldn't be afraid to change the approach they use if one isn't working. However, the Maslow approach is the one I used most often when I raised my child.

Everyone is different though and each parent should find the theory that works for them, their children and their family. Knowing what theory you want to use to raise your children though helps as a guide as parents raise their children.

Other Types of Technology And Children

Computer, smart phones and the internet all offer in interactive media through a varied range of learning, entertainment and communication. When a parent is considering technology and the use their children have of it, it's necessary to consider the use of computers since it's one of the most popular media that children use to interact with each day. Computers have become more common in children's lives over the past decade and it's important for parents to know what their children are doing on the computer. As soon as children can read and write they begin to use a computer for word processing. This helps children write freely and experiment with different letters and words without erasing or crossing out what they don't like. As children get older they use the computer to do homework, research projects, and papers. Children can encounter racial slurs, pornography and cyber bullying when using a computer. When parent's don't know what their children are doing online they can get into chat rooms and have relationships with people which can cause a child to be sexually abused particularly if they meet the person face to face without the parents knowing which is often the case. This is why it's important for parents to know what children are doing while on the computer and to set up blocks on certain sites.

A disadvantage to smart phones and other technology is that they cause distractions in face to face interactions and are making it easier for children to not develop or use communication skills that are important to have when they get to the age of their first job. Video games can be filled with aggression and gender stereotyping . This is a reason video games are now rated.  Exposure to violent video games can make children  more aggressive  and less caring. The discovery that this occurs with exposure to video games is consistent and doesn't  differ with age, gender or cultural  upbringing. Video games don't give children the opportunity for independent thought or creativity and can cause  children to confuse reality with fantasy. There are positive aspects to video games such as enhancing spatial thinking skills, improve problem solving and the use of fine motor skills.

Regardless of the types of media and technology parents have in their homes it's important for parents to know and be informed of what their children are doing with technology and what forms of media they are watching.

Types of Media and Children

Screen Media is television or movies. Studies have found that the more preschoolers and school aged children watch prime time TV shows and cartoons the less time they spend reading and interacting with others. TV shows and movies that children watch may have ethnic or gender stereotypes that adults need to be aware of. Educational programs for children are sensitive to issues of equality and diversity but commercial entertainment programs can convey ethnic  and gender stereotypes. When minorities appear in adult shows they are more likely to be put across as secondary characters and have lower status roles such as unskilled workers or law breakers which teaches stereotypes. There are shows such as Blackish which are starting to break these stereotypes.

Print media is books, magazines etc. Introduction to these is influenced by the status of the family and the educational level of the parents. There is a relationship between education, income, and the value placed on the purchase of books and other reading material. The more educated the parents, the greater the income is, which can lead to attention on what printed media is purchased and therefore that children are exposed to. Some claim printed media is the primary way information about education, religion and government is passed from one generation to the next.

Audio media is any media channel that uses audio files such as music, audio books, or podcasts. Children use music in an effort to control and communicate their moods. Children as young as eight months can tell the difference between happy and sad music. This fact reaffirms the allegation that music has the ability to communicate emotion and influence mood. Lyrics to music has the ability to influence behaviors. Listening to songs can increase pro-social thoughts, increase empathy, and foster helping others.

Where these types of media influence children, their thoughts and how they react to different situations it is important for parents to know what children are listing to, watching and the lessons that are being taught through these types of media and be aware of the messages being sent.

Media and Children

Media is a type of communication that fosters a specific effect or action. Mass media is a type of communication that impacts a large number of people with the intent of delivering a message through an impersonal condition. Media and the mass media use the latest technology and their connection with life, society and the environment to influence our children.

Extensive television  watching has been identified  with family and friend difficulties. Children use the TV as a way to avoid interaction and can happen when parents are stressed. Children can  use TV viewing as a way to escape. The most obvious way parents impact the media's influence on their children is by identifying and monitoring viewing habits. It's been found that parents are somewhat uninvolved with what their children are viewing and even when they are involved the level of involvement can be sporadic.

Parents are gatekeepers of their children's viewing habits. For this reason parents should consider setting rules for and monitoring the programs and movies their children watch. Parents should sit and watch with their children the shows their children watch because this can help children understand and interpret TV programs and movies they watch. The amount of time children spend watching TV can affect their socialization depending on the types of shows they watch. If children watch educational shows it can help them learn new concepts. Shows such as Sesame Street were created to foster children's learning. If children are watching for entertainment  it can strengthen stereotypes. Parents should consider the role of TV as it applies to academic learning. TV has the potential for building  and strengthening  academic skills.