Dimensions Of Parenting

Jay Belsky who is an expert in child development and family studies and Richard Lerner who is the director of research in youth development and the department of child study and human development at Tufts University came up with six dimensions of parenting. These are: attentiveness which is paying attention to your child, physical contact which is holding them and cuddling with them, verbal stimulation which is talking to them, material stimulation which is interaction with toys, responsive care which is responding to cries and needs and restrictiveness which is putting restrictions or conditions on what a parent will do for their child or what parents allow their children to do particularly for themselves. The first five have positive effects on a child's emotional, social and intellectual development. The last one is negative.

When I was raising my child the way that I implemented these dimensions of parenting are: I paid attention to my child, when she was playing by herself or friends I made sure I knew where they were and what they were playing so if it ever became unsafe I could prevent harm. I also listened to my child when she spoke to. I would put my computer or phone to the side and I gave her my undivided attention when she spoke to me. Sure there were times I had to tell her to wait until I finished something but then I gave her my undivided attention.

I gave my child a hug and kiss on the cheek every morning when she woke up and every night before she went to bed. I also let her snuggle when she was sad, hurt, sick etc. I provided verbal stimulation particularly when she was an infant by talking to her about what I was doing like when she was in her high chair while I made dinner or I sang her songs when she was sitting on my lap and I read to her. I played with her from the time she could play with something like a rattle to sitting a doing a puzzle with her, to playing a game.

When she was an infant I learned what her cries meant and reacted accordingly like changing her diaper, feeding her etc. As she got older responsive care became helping her get a snack when she was hungry, helping her when she got hurt or responding to any and all of her needs.

I never used the restrictive dimension of parenting. I never put conditions on what I would do for her or put restrictions on what she could do unless it would in some way cause her harm such as touching a hot stove or jumping off a high place etc. Restrictiveness teaches a child love in not unconditional but conditional on the child's behavior and abilities and this was never a message I wanted to send my child.

Temperaments

Temperament is a matter of individual differences that reflect a child's personality. It's initially genetically determined but can be influenced by a child's environment. Temperament impacts how children react to events in their environment.

There are four kinds of temperament:easy, difficult, slow to warm, and hard to classify. A child's temperament influences the type of coping approaches a parent can use. An easy child is flexible, they adapt quickly to new situations and are curious. The difficult child has intense and frequently negative moods and cries out loudly. They push limits and respond on a whim to intense emotions. With slow to warm up children these children are more fearful, avoid difficult situations are cautious to participate in contact with new people. These children are hesitant with new experiences. The hard to classify children are rare and they are hard to feel out. They show all three temperaments depending on the situation. These children will like a food one day and not the next. These children can frustrate a parent because it seems like everything they do is wrong, when it's not. These children really do not know what they want to do and need more direction and parent activities. For example, "Do the puzzle for a bit, then color when you're ready to do something else.

My child has an easy temperament but depending on the situations could be a difficult child. Most of the time she was an easy child. If she needed something she came to, she went from one activity to another easily and with little warning although I always made sure to give her warning. Where she was an easy child I and didn't demand a lot I would check in with her throughout the day to see how she was doing and if she needed something otherwise I let her play by herself and with friends and didn't bother her much.

It's important parents are mindful of a child's temperament in order to respond to the child accordingly because this can help. Temperament is steady and steady throughout life. It never changes. Each child's temperament is different. A family can have children that have all of these types of temperaments. How you parent each type is different. Many parents think what works for one child will work for another and it doesn't. Remember each child is different and each child has a different temperament. For this reason one child will only have to be asked to do something once, whereas another child will have to be asked several times. If a parent remembers what type of temperament a child has, dealing with them and raising them becomes easier.

The Parenting Style I Used

When raising a child there are three parenting styles that can be used. Diana Baumrind who was a researcher who focused on the classification of parenting styles outlined three parenting styles based on her classification scheme. They are: the authoritarian  parent, the authoritative parent and permissive parent. The authoritarian parent has high expectations, they don't believe a child should question authority and punishments are strict.  The authoritative parent has high expectations but the expectations are age appropriate, they give their children choices and independence along with being clear about what their expectations are for their children. A permissive parent lets their children do anything and don't give a consequence for inappropriate behavior and make excuses for their children's behavior. There is little consistency with permissive parents and they rarely supervise their children's activities.

Eleanor Maccoby who has a Ph.D in experimental psychology and J.A. Martin added a fourth type of parenting style which is the uninvolved parent or the neglectful parent. This type of parent provides no control over their children's lives, they don't have rules, don't expect their children to behavior in any kind of way and don't teach the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. These children are emotionally disconnected from their children and they worry about their own problems more than their children or their children's problems.

When i raised my child the parenting style I used was the authoritative parent style. I gave my child choices but made consequences clear and followed through with the consequences. The choices and consequences were age appropriate, however I also allowed discussion of expectations and consequences. I value independence and taught by child to be independent. I listened to my child's point of view and I felt this was the parenting style that would help me help my child develop who she is, develop healthy self-worth,  and know she is loved and accepted for who she is.

Despite that I used the authoritative parenting style most often to raise my child when the situation needed me to use a different parenting style I used a different one. Some situations need a parent to be authoritative, some situations need a parent to be authoritative and other situations need a parent to be permissive. I tried not to get caught up on trying to be one type of parent that I failed to see when a different parenting style was needed.

The children in a family are very different and a family may have a child that needs an authoritarian parent, another child may need an authoritative parent. A child's personality and temperament help determine the kind of parenting style that is used.  The most important thing to remember when choosing what parenting style to use and what situation needs what kind of style is to remember that it is your responsibility as a parent to help guide your children to achieve their own goals. It is your responsibility to help your children become the kind of person they want to be, not tell them what kind of person to be. Consider these types of parenting styles and choose the one that best identifies with your and your spouses philosophy on raising children.