Saturday, April 29, 2017
The second goal is to help children know how to respond to the environment. This includes safety, and appropriate reactions to the environment and teaching children appropriate ways to respond to their feelings. For example, teaching children not to touch the stove because it's hot, don't touch power sockets because it can hurt you, watch where you're walking so you don't run into furniture or a wall etc.
By implementing these two goals, conflict can lessen and be handled in a way that teaches children rules, appropriate behavior, and rules of home and society so that when conflict happens a child can better handle the situation with adult guidance.
Saturday, April 22, 2017
If a rule in a house is that everyone cleans their room on Saturday, then Saturday is filled with errands, sports games and fun activities children get confused why the rule is that everyone needs to clean their room on Saturday. The children of these parents eventually start to do whatever they want because they learn that whatever the parent tells them to do will change before they even get across the room to do what was asked. The parents then wonder why their children don't listen to them and are clueless as to why they don't. Rules and expectations should be consistent and followed through with.
When expectations are consistent and followed through with it prevents problems from occurring. Problems that can occur because expectations aren't consistent and followed through are: children are going to get frustrated and mad at the parent . The children are going to stop listening to and doing what the parents ask which will lead to the parent getting mad at the child for not listening and obeying. Often parents don't realize they're causing problems that can be avoided in the first place if they were consistent with expectations to begin with.
Parents need to address the conflicts and confusion the child is feeling and that is being given through word and action. Parents need to listen to their children about how it frustrates them that their actions and words don't match. Parents need to listen to their children about why they don't do what the parents ask. Parents are imperfect people who make mistakes and admitting that to your children will help them respect you.
When children feel appreciated by parents they have a positive sense of self-worth. When parents and children trust each other and have a relationship that's built on trust, confusion and conflict are more easily and quickly resolved. Natural, warm interactions help build strong, respectful relationships. For example, if a parent shows a child love through saying, "I love you," hugging them and showing them respect by listening to them and taking their concerns and worries seriously, it can build a strong, respectful relationship. Children need to feel like home is a place for them to be loved and cared for as well as accepted for who they are. Children shouldn't feel like they need to hide any part of themselves while at home. When they don't feel this, conflicts are higher because they don't feel safe, secure and wanted.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
When there isn't a close, respectful relationship parents and/or children may feel uncomfortable and uneasy. This comes from the lack of trust that has developed between parent and child. The child has learned that what the parent says and does is inconsistent and therefore can't be trusted. If a parent is disrespectful to a child they eventually learn that they'll always be treated with disrespect and be uncomfortable around the parent because they've learned who they are isn't safe with that parent because whenever they show who they are, the parent shows that child disrespect and tells them who they are is wrong. There isn't anything wrong with the child, the parent is wrong to tell them that there is and for not loving and acceping the child for they are.
Strong relationships increase communication and enables conflict and disagreements to be resolved in a win-win manner. They are resolved in a win-win manner because both perspectives, ideas and feelings have been listened to, respected and a middle ground solution has been agreed upon or whoever may be wrong has admitted to it.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
An active parent should learn to take their child(ren) seriously without discounting how the child feels or their opinion. When a parent does this, the child will come to them for additional information because they know their perspective will be taken into account. For example, when a child gets angry because the parent cleaned up their room and put something where it didn't belong. Take this seriously. Don't discount the child's anger. If someone went into your room and moved everything, you as the adult would be mad too. The parent can explain why they put something away so that the child understands, but when the child tells the parent that they should have asked the child first- actually the child is right. When a parent tells their child they're right that they should have asked, they're valuing their opinion and feelings. The child learns that they can go to the parent if they feel overwhelmed, frustrated, confused, or have any other emotion or problem.
An active parent knows that being a parent isn't about playing favorites, but is about creating open, honest relationships and open channels of communication. When a parent or other adult plays favorites this hurts children's self-esteem and self-worth as they begin to wonder what's wrong with me. There isn't anything wrong with the child, however, there is something wrong with the adult who plays favorites and sends the message that there are people in the world who are more important than others. There is something wrong with sending the message that there are people in the world whose value is more than someone else's. I understand people like the President of the United States are more important than other people, but it's the position that's important, not the person holding it. When the person holding the office of President of the Unites States is no longer president, he goes back to being a citizen of the U.S. So please parents, be careful not to do damage to your relationship with your children you don't want.
Harm is done to those who are treated as a favorite too. These children begin to feel like they're untouchable and because they're taught that rules don't apply to them or that there are different rules that apply to them than others, these children become prideful. These children are full of unhealthy 'I' statements and their 'I' statements are compliments about themselves. Children who are treated as a favorite are rarely liked, but instead are tolerated. When children who have been treated as a favorite move away from home, they have a hard time adjusting because the world doesn't revolve around them anymore and people don't treat them like they're special. Where rules that didn't apply to them growing up all of a sudden apply to them, they don't know how to deal with it and overcompensate for their inability to not be treated special. When a parent treats their children with equality and understands that being a parent is about having an open, honest relationship with their children it opens the channels of communication. It does this because the child trusts the parent to tell them the same thing they would a sibling and treat them the same way they treat their siblings. The child knows what to expect because the parent is consistent in what they do and say. It doesn't change depending on what child they're talking to. This enables trust to be built and sustained between parent and child.
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Problem solving includes making decisions, addressing a variety of feelings including anger, frustration and fear, and resolving issues between people such as parent and child, child and sibling, or child and friend. To problem solve is to address the ability of two or more people to work out a solution to a problem or situation. The problem can be solved individually or with someone else. Problems cause strong emotions of everyone involved, even when they're individual decisions. For example, if a sibling says they're going to play games with a younger sibling, then a friend calls and wants the older sibling to go do something and the older sibling goes and does something with their friend instead of playing games with the younger sibling, the individual decision of the older sibling causes strong emotions in the younger sibling.
Robert S. Siegler who is a professor of psychology at Carnegie Mellon University who specializes in the cognitive development of problem solving and reasoning in children and Martha W. Ailbali who is a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison came up with three components of problem solving. They are a goal- or in other words a problem to be solved, an obstacle to achieving the goal and a strategy to avoid the obstacle to achieve the goal. Young children use a trial-and-error approach to achieve their goals. They combine reasoning, understanding, strategies, content knowledge, other people, experiences and any other available resource to solve their problem. For example, if a child is building a fort using chairs and bed sheets and they run out of materials to make the fort as big as they're trying to make it, they'll go get more chairs and bed sheets to use to continue to make their fort. It doesn't matter that they're using mom's good sheets, to the child they just needed more material to make their fort and went and got some. Therefore they used their reasoning (need more materials), understanding (mom has more kept in closet), strategies ( they'll be put where they need to be to finish the fort), and other materials ( more sheets) to fix their problem.
Children don't think the same way adults do which is why this train of thought is common to a child and the way they would think through a problem.