Saturday, April 22, 2017

Be Consistent With Rules and Expectations

Children get confused when rules and expectations clash with one another. The child starts to feel mixed emotions such as anger, aggression, sadness and withdrawal. For example, when a parent tells a child to go make their bed, then while on their way to do it the parent tells them to put their shoes on because they have to run to the bank this confuses the child. They don't know whether the parent wants them to make their bed or put their shoes on. The child will even say, "I thought you wanted me to  make my bed." The parent then snaps at the child to get their shoes on and gets frustrated with the child because they weren't listening.

If a rule in a house is that everyone cleans their room on Saturday, then Saturday is filled with errands, sports games and fun activities children get confused why the rule is that everyone needs to clean their room on Saturday. The children of these parents eventually start to do whatever they want because they learn that whatever the parent tells them to do will change before they even get across the room to do what was asked. The parents then wonder why their children don't listen to them and are clueless as to why they don't. Rules and expectations should be consistent and followed through with.

When expectations are consistent and followed through with it prevents problems from occurring. Problems  that can occur because expectations aren't consistent and followed through are: children are going to get frustrated and mad at the parent . The children are going to stop listening to and doing what the parents ask which will lead to the parent getting mad at the child for not listening and obeying. Often parents don't realize they're causing problems that can be avoided in the first place if they were consistent with expectations to begin with.

Parents need to address the conflicts and confusion the child is feeling and that is being given through word and action. Parents need to listen to their children about how it frustrates them that their actions and words don't match. Parents need to listen to their children about why they don't do what the parents ask. Parents are imperfect people who make mistakes and admitting that to your children will help them respect you.

When children feel appreciated by parents they have a positive sense of self-worth. When parents and children trust each other and have a relationship  that's built on trust, confusion and conflict are more easily and quickly resolved. Natural, warm interactions help build strong, respectful relationships. For example, if a parent shows a child love through saying, "I love you," hugging them and showing them respect by listening to them and taking their concerns  and worries seriously, it can build a strong, respectful relationship. Children need to feel like home is a place for them to be loved and cared for as well as accepted for who they are. Children shouldn't feel like they need to hide any part of themselves while at home. When they don't feel this, conflicts are higher because they don't feel safe, secure and wanted.

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